Jacob's mom has got it goin' on!

11:12PM

 ♥ How long have you been together?

Six years.  Almost seven.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
One Night.

♥ Who asked who out?
we were set up in a blind date and we never ended the date.

♥ How old are each of you?
I am 34 and he is 37.

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
My family most.

♥ Do you have any children together?
Yes.  I nut.  

♥ What about pets?
none.

♥ Did you go to the same school?
No.

♥ Are you from the same home town?
No.  

♥ Who is the smartest?
I think he is.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
I am.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We always eat Mexican Food. and Drink Margaritas.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Las Vegas.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
Me. 

♥ Who does the cooking?
He does the good cooking.  I cook for parties.

♥ Who is more social?
I am

♥Who is the neat freak?
I am.

♥ Who is the more stubborn?
He is.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
He wakes up early every day.  And I catch serious hell for it.

♥ Where was your first date?
We never had a first date.  Out first date has never ended.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
I do.

♥ Do you get flowers often?
I would say quarterly....sometimes more often.

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
With my family...usually.

♥ Who is more jealous?
I am.  However....over the years.  this has subsided.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
It was serious the moment we met.

♥ Who eats more?
No telling.

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
Exclusively Joel.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
We both are in different ways.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
I always try to.  He thinks I drive like a maniac.  I think he drives like an old lady. *can't this one any better*

2:49AM - Proud of Myself

I have to brag a second.....I just finished hand illustrating my son's 4th birthday card.....even the little martian.  I feel so accomplished right now!

We are sending out invites to those that have kids in our radar.

12:25AM - GOT PRODUCT? NEED SHOTS?

I have recently purchased and figured out how to do macro product shots with my camera and a light box (tent).  If anyone needs product shots of jewelry, items to sell on ebay, CD's or DVD's, anything that can fit into a 12x12x12 box....  Let me know.  I am charging 2 bucks per product with full copyright and CD of images.  NO charge for multiple angels of the same product (up to 4).

Thanks!

8:08PM - DRESSES

OK.  I am in need of girls that have had wedding dresses and want to wear them again on the runway on Sunday.

Hola if you hear me.  I have had a salon back out and at this point I am scrabling for ANYTHING WEDDING.

Let me know.

5:16PM - LOOKING FOR MODELS

I am in need of 5 girls that want to model on Sunday December 14th at 2:30pm in Clear Lake.

I got left in a bind.

It's bridal. 

4:18PM - Joined the ETSY ranks-yes i spelled jewelry wrong on purpose.

Current mood: accomplished

11:54PM - Hmmmm

(yeah, I need to travel more)

Bold if you've...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee Jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Current mood: curious

11:02AM - IKE -ICK

We are fine, if anyone is checking that cares. Hope everyone else fared well. We finally got power yesterday and it felt like a weight hasd been lifted. We were by no means desperate as other families, just 'put out'. It made me sick to think how dependant on 'the grid' we are and that my mood was affected by lack of electricity.

Anyway, another growth lesson. I kept thinking about the days of the old west and how did they ever live without power?

Anyway, made me think about getting some land and figuring out how to get off the frid and still be in a good mood.

Jen

Current mood: content

6:01PM - NIGHT WISH

Ok friends.......

I had a client that wants 2 VIP tickets to Night Wish.......any hook ups out there, if so, I might have something you need.

Current mood: bouncy

10:01PM - Well, Actually

Jacob has discovered the use of the word WELL and ACTUALLY in a sentence. It's always hilarious and this doesn't even touch the funnies we normally near. I need to strap a tape recorder to my ass that goes off anytime Jacob starts to speak.

Today's uses:

m: do you want some pizza?
j: no. i don't eat pizza.
m: i like pizza.
j: no. i don't like pizza.
m: what do you want to eat for dinner?
j: well, i like watermelon.
j: i wanna eat red watermelon.




j: mommy, i colored my hand!
m: really? it's beautiful! can i see?
j: well, YES!
m: can i keep it?
j: well, i can color another hand....
j: actually, i can hang it on the refrigilator.
m: can we get rid of the letters on here and give them to Riley?
j: no. We can't give them to Riley.
m: why not? he would like the letters. we can get rid of them and hang all your artwork on the refrigerator.
j: actually, i talked to Riley today.
m: you did? (Jacob is 3.5 and Riley is 2 and doesn't speak)
j: YES! he is staying at home with Ms. Joanna.
j: he said he likes water. riley can't say that words. we can't say stupid.
m: what did Riley say?
j: well, Riley hit my head and my eyes. *shows me a reinactment*
j:Riley punched me on the head.
m:wow
j: *starts to sing* Happy Birthday to you.........
m: do you like the water?
j: no
j:he said chicken sandwich.
m: do you like chicken sandwiches?
j: no. you can't eat hanburgers....*starts the UCK, YUCK....throwup noises.....fingers in face.....blah!*




m: *farts*
j: what'd you say?
m: *smiles*
j: mommy girl, did you fart?
m: noooooo, mommies don't fart. they poot.
j: actually, mommy, you pooped!
m: no, i POOT.
j: you POOT?
m: yes

9:38PM - Sunday Funnies-The Chocolate Brown Bear Strikes Again!

Mid-Day Funnies:

Nana: Did you poo-poo in the potty for birthday presents?
Jacob: Yeah, and Mater, and Octopuses and water!
Nana: All that?
Jacob: Yeas! And Monkeys!
Nana: AND Monkeys?
Jacob: YES! Five little monkey.....jumpin' on the bed.


Night Funnies:

Daddy: JACOB! Pick up all those pillows and put them on the couch NOW!
Mommy: Do you have to go poo-poo for birthday presents?
Jacob: No
Jacob: Yes, I have to poo-poo in the potty!
Daddy: First, pick up all those pillows. Unless you're crownin' brown, you need to pick them up first.
Jacob: I'm Brown Faced. I go poo-poo in the potty.

*grunts from the other room*

Daddy: Don't push too hard or you'll hurt your booty.
Jacob: I can't push too hard, cuz I'll hurt my booty!
Daddy: Just tryin' to help you out.
Jacob: Yes, and I can't push too hard because it hurts my butt.


*snuggles*

Mommy: Are you my good boy?
Jacob: Yes, I am, I have a swimsuit.


DADDY GIVES JACOB CHOCOLATE PUDDING AFTER 9PM-Then Records the results.

Jacob: *running around the house with head thrown back and a chocolate jello smile*
AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH AWAH

Daddy Shows Recording to Jacob, high on Chocolate Jello:

Jacob: There's JACOB! Hi Jacob! TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE. Can I sit by you and Look? He fell down! He looks at Mommy! Look at Jacob's running. Laughter. Look at that! I got him! I caught him! He's in the camera! Mommy, did you turn Jacob off? *looks at camera*
hi jacob.

10:23PM - Today's Funnies:

Today's Funnies:

Lunch Funnies:

Jacob: I smell poo-poo
Mommy: Jacob, do you have to go poo-poo?
Jacob: *look of despair*
Mommy: If you go poo-poo in the potty you get ice cream and birthday presents.
Jacob: I wanna go poo-poo in the potty for ice-cream and birthday presents!
Mommy: okay. As soon as I see poo-poo we can have ice cream and birthday presents.


short time---

Jacob: (from toilet) I poo-pooed in the potty!!!!
Mommy: you did???
Jacob: yes, it's so beautiful.
Mommy: yes, it is! It's so beautiful.



Dinner Funnies:

Jacob: I want Chicken.
Daddy: That's not chicken. It's beef.
Mommy: You want some beef, Jacob?
Jacob: Daddy, you're beefy.

10:32AM - Serret Said So

That should be a song....

Anyway:

1. Name: The Schafer

2. Age: 33

3. Location: houston, tx
I am from Crosby, TX. (Heinous)- Moved to Sugar Land the latter part of Hight School (so that is where I say I am from) and I lived in several little places around the US (California, NYC). I call Houston home. But not when it's 106 degrees.

4. Occupation: I own and operate Alpha One Publishing, LLC and brandITbandits.com. One feeds the other, however, I sell advertising in my bridal magazine and help people with their image through brandITbandts.com. I speak all over the region on brand consistency, marketing trends and advertising opportunities. If you need a logo, website, ad development, marketing plan or small business plan, I am your gal.

5. Partner: I live with my negative alter ego. Joel truely completes my circle personality and never allows me to be anything other than ON MY TOES at all times. I appreciate this and hate it all at the same time. He is the string on my balloon. We have a nice life together with fabulous double standards. Right now the score is even, since we both keep one.


6. Kids: i have apsinder monkey that is an exact duplicate of Joel and I. He is fantastic and very large. He loves drama, music, sports, rough housing, singing, dancing, swimming, and more. We don't know if we want to press our luck, we got it right the first time and giving birth to a girl or another man child would be like agreeing to have the spawn of satan.

7. Brothers/Sisters: i'm an only child with one sister. Yes, that isn't a mistake. My parents treated us as individuals and raised us equally. Therefore, we are both ONLY CHILDREN.

8. Pets: we can't have pets. Although, after watching several seasons of The Dog Whisperer, I feel like I am better trained to be a calm, submissive pack leader.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
-God
-Jacob
-Joel
-Family
-Making my businesses successful.

10. What did you go to school for?: Theatre. I moved to NYC after a great run here in Houston (several years) and failed miserably. Since I hate starting over and proving myself over and over again, I just decided to go into sales. It paid more anyway and I can be 'on stage' in front of my clients.

11. Parents: my mother and father have been married for 42 years now. They were high school sweethearts. They are both still living and married and that is in part due to being insanely busy and living life to the fullest. i hope to repeat that in my own life. they had us young so being 33, my father just turned 60 last year. he had a 'crisis' and lost some weight...now he just thinks he is dead sexy. and he is.

my mother has worked out her entire adult life and is a designer and decorator. they both love to throw money at joel and i, which is nice. jacob will see the bulk of that money, though. it's nice that i don't have to think of his education as it is already paid for. they also take care of his day care bill so i can by a gypsy. i guess they know me for exactly what i am.

12. Who are some of your closest friends? you know.....i don't really have any 'close friends'. i can count on one hand whom i consider 'close' to me. mostly, it's my family. i have business friends and i have good friends and acqaintences, but noone that really loves me unconditionally like my family. my friends come and go.

Current mood: awake

10:07AM - SEEKING GOWN DESIGNERS

Protography Studios and Premier Bride Magazine are searching for designers that can design wedding dresses out of camouflage or other 'war related' materials. We are doing TROOP THE DRESS live on Fox 26 news with Lanny Griffith on July 31st at Salud Winery in Montrose.

Hit me with ideas. I don't have much time.

Current mood: anxious

10:07AM - SEEKING SALES PROFESSIONALS

Regional Advertising Director
Premier Bride • Greater Austin-Greater Houston

Position Description: The Regional Advertising Director is responsible for developing and managing advertising accounts within his/her given territory. He/she will be working as an Independent Contractor for Premier Bride • Greater Austin or Greater Houston. The Regional Advertising Director will interact with professionals in the wedding industry at networking events and bridal shows. He/she will set up meetings with local wedding professionals to discuss Premier Bride’s Complete Marketing Approach—print, web, direct mail and video. The Regional Advertising Director is also responsible for securing and maintaining distribution locations for his/her territory.

Responsibilities
• Contact local wedding professionals to set an appointment to meet and discuss Premier Bride’s Complete Marketing Program.
• Sell Annual Advertising packages to wedding professionals.
• Manage advertising accounts—ad materials, web information, monthly lead lists, payment, etc.
• Attend local networking meetings.
• Participate in bridal shows.
• Secure and maintain magazine distribution locations.
• Submit a weekly report of calls, appointments, sales, etc.

Environment: The Regional Advertising Director must have a home office. This includes Microsoft Office, Internet, phone, and fax capabilities. He/she is able to create his/her own schedule; remembering that some wedding professionals are full-time and some only work on evenings and weekends. The Regional Advertising Director must be willing to travel within his/her territory to meet with clients.

Requirements: The Regional Advertising Director should work a minimum of 20 hours per week. He/she also needs to have a minimum of $10,000 in sales per issue of the magazine.

Compensation: Commission is based on gross sales (does not include direct mail program, postcards, or production charges). The Regional Advertising Director will be paid only after client has exceeded 25% down. If monthly payments are negotiated without a down payment, Regional Advertising Director agrees to spread the commission out in monthly payments. The following commission scale is per issue. Further discussion of compensation at interview stage.

Current mood: chipper

5:44PM - fuck

I'm overweight.
My father took my blood pressure and it's 146/106. HIGH?
I am seeing black dot tracers in my eyes.
My left eye has now started 'twitching'.



yes. I am calling a doctor Monday morning before I stroke out. I am stoping the all out drinking we do almost every night. I am stopping the 'casual' "I only smoke when I drink" shit. AND, I have to dedicate at least 3-4 days per week in the gym. Plus, water, water, water.

Not sure what the doc will say, but i don't think it will be good.

My stress levels are high as I try to take my magazine into 3 more cities.....traveling across the country for seminars and so forth.

Current mood: cranky

9:36AM - Happy New Year-BITCHES!!!!!

I don't know why I wrote that. "bitches". I think b/c I am so opposite that kind of "party person".

We had a lot of great friends to interact with over the holidays. It was nice to be "normal" and accepted where we went.

I have had a case of poison sumac that would kill a horse. Thankfully it is only on my lower legs. "knock wood". It's getting better but we are going skiing and I wished it were gone by now. Symptoms included a swolen face and neck. I guess b/c it affects your glands. whatever. Either way i am hitting the gym hard after we get back from vaction this week. I have been on serious deadlines and it has sucked. They are over now and I am very glad.

Anyway. More later. Off to Colorado to ski is sub zero conditions. Thank God I'm fat.

9:46AM - Christmas Blues

I just can't get into it this year. Maybe next year. I am still trying though. I am going to go to the store and get stuff to make candies and cookies tonight. I am also going to the dollar store to get Jacob some last minute items from Santa and also write a letter from Santa on the notes that SHAREFANTASY sent me a few years back. can you believe it's been that long ago?

My little baby is almost THREE!

8:33AM - Happy Holidays

I hope everyone has a blessed and happy holiday.

1:52PM - TIS THE SEASON

It's a wonderful life when:

you can fart in front of your 3 year old while watching TV and they turn to you abruptly and say....

"are you KIDDING me?"